By Baxter Black: PNT columnist
An Associated Press headline caught my attention: Crime rate falls, but prisons still full.
Well, duh … where do you think the criminals are?
Here are some more well, duh, comments:
• “I train my horses with a 2-by-4, but they won’t let me touch their head.”
• “We built our home on the edge of the wilderness but (mountain lions, rattlesnakes, flood, forest fires, take your pick) have made living here unbearable.”
• “We used to have a lot of birds around here till we went in the cat business.”
• “I decided to act as my own lawyer in the divorce proceedings and lost everything!”
• “Every time I turn my head like this, it hurts my neck!”
• “I nominated (right wing/left wing) extremists for the federal judgeships and the loyal opposition is filibustering their approval!”
• “I expect to be paid what I’m worth but no one will hire me!”
• “How do you expect me to finish my homework when American Idol is on!”
• “Every time I pull the cinch real tight my horse goes down!”
• “Do you think this hub cap belt buckle, and 12-inch hat crown makes me look too Hollywood?”
• “You don’t think Circle K is ‘Giant’ sizing its fountain drinks just for the money, do you?”
On the Mexican border we occasionally have vigilantes or Minutemen come down to help patrol the border to inhibit the uncontrollable illegal immigration. There is always a huge cry raised by “pro-illegal immigration” folks. Indignant headlines come down on these volunteers; the potential for confrontation, injury, and believe it or not … the fact that their presence actually deters the illegals! “What do they think they’re doing? Taking the law into their own hands!”
I remember years ago one snowy winter I took a shortcut out across the sagebrush flats from Grandview, Idaho, to Boise. I got stuck, so I called Harold, the truck dispatcher, and told him I needed a pull. He said, “That road’s closed!” I said, “I know, I had to move the ‘road closed’ sign to get on it.” Well, duh.
Damon Runyon, writer and Pueblo, Colo., boy said it best: “Life is tough, and really tough when you’re stupid.”
Ooh, Damon, that hurts.
Baxter Black is a self-described cowboy poet, ex-veterinarian and sorry team roper. He can be contacted at 1-800-654-2550 or by e-mail at: