Words for the wise from the not-so-wise

By Huber: Freedom Newspapers Columnist

Here at the Trivia Memorial Library (Motto: If you wish you were young again, think algebra), we’ve been gathering thought-provoking quotes from icons so that someday we can publish them and make big bucks. These samples are gleaned from politicians, industry leaders and bureaucrats, followed by movie stars and sports figures.

•“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.” (A former Texas senator who shall remain nameless)

•“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” (Former Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry)

•“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” (Former Vice President Al Gore)

•“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” (Former Vice President Dan Quayle)

•“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we really need?” (Lee Iacocca, industry leader)

•“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your status.” (Memo from Department of Social Services, Greenville, S.C.)

•“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.” (Keppel Enderbery, statesman)
l“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” (Former President Bill Clinton)

•“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” (Mariah Carey, actress)

•“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” (Brooke Shields, actress)

•“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” (Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball player)

•“Half this game is 90 percent mental.” (Phillies manager Danny Ozark)

•“The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” (Joe Theisman, NFL quarterback and TV sports analyst)

•”Steve McQueen must have made that movie before he died.” (Yogi Berra, major league catcher)

•“Why can’t the Jews and the Arabs just sit down together and settle this like good Christians?” (Arthur Balfour, British Prime Minister)

•“I ran into George Kaufman last night. He was at my house for dinner.” (Hollywood producer Samuel Goldwyn)

•“Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.” (More Goldwyn)

•“Novelty is always welcome, but talking pictures are just a fad.” (MGM production chief Irving Thalberg in 1929)

•“If there’s a pileup in this rainstorm, they’ll have to give some of the players artificial insemination.” (Sports announcer Curt Gowdy)

•“I must have had ambrosia.” (Milwaukee Brewers Jim Gantner on why he forgot to show up for a radio interview)

•“It just as easily could have gone the other way.” (Chicago Cubs manager Don Zimmer after a tie game)