By Baxter Black: Humor Columnist
In our effort to plumb the depths of humiliation and bad taste, television producers have now invented a reality show based on pitting races against each other. They have chosen whites vs. blacks vs. Asian vs. Latinos, leaving out the obvious — cowboys vs. Indians vs. French vs. cows.
I can see spinoffs in the agricultural world:
Hereford breeders vs. angus breeders. It would be billed as “Cancer eye vs. prolapsed sheath!” Contestants would be forced to mouth, preg check and cull purebred look-alikes from the Nacogdoches sale barn, and the audience would pick the winner!
Horse people vs. mule people — the overconfident vs. the true believers! This reality show would force mule people to beat horse people in every possible contest. Then the horse people would have to try and explain why the horse really won.
Stockdog border collies vs. city park border collies — sheep police vs. Frisbee catchers! Sheepmen would order their border collies to herd ducks, old ewes, baby calves, kindergarten classes, or intransigent Pomeranians through an intricate obstacle course to display their natural ability and intelligence. City border collies would respond by jumping hurdles, catching balls and running through culverts displaying their usefulness in case of a presidentially declared state of hurdle, ball and culvert emergency!
House cats vs. barn cats — kitty litter vs. mouse-eating machines! House cats will make a show of their superiority of the household. They will demonstrate their ability to completely dominate the humans that wait on them hand and paw. Points will be scored on traits that include personality, appetite, sleeping on best furniture, shedding and disdain.
This is one farm reality show that probably wouldn’t work since there’s no way to catch a barn cat!
And my last suggestion for an agricultural reality survival show — large animal veterinarian vs. small animal veterinarian.
The loser will be determined by how many times over an eight-week period each tries to spay a tomcat or pregnancy check a steer!
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