Star Wars best when watched in moderation

By Kevin Wilson: Freedom Newspapers

Black Friday was great for me. I’d been waiting for just this day to save a little bit of money on three particular DVDs that together comprise what I’ve always known as “The Trilogy.”

I’ve never been an obsessed Star Wars fan, but I’m a big enough fan to feel my DVD collection is now slightly better. I’m also a big enough fan to wonder what’s wrong with the three women I’ve talked to in the last week that said they’ve never seen any of these movies.

At first I tried to make excuses for them, and failed in each attempt.
Maybe they’ve never had the opportunity? No, that can’t be it. The three original Star Wars movies have been shown on television all the time.

The movies were re-released into the theaters over the last decade.

They’ve been released on DVD — twice.

Maybe they don’t have the time? No, that’s not it either. One of the people who’s never seen these movies freely admits to me that she’s addicted to text messaging people with her cell phone. If you have time to send 20 text messages over the course of an hour instead of getting the same conversation finished in one minute over the phone, you’ve got time to watch Star Wars.

Maybe they don’t want to get caught up in a fictional world, like they’ve seen so many Star Wars fans do? No, that’s certainly not it. Another of these non-watchers will spend valuable work time every week discussing the actions and motives of the “Desperate Housewives” characters.

I only have one theory left: Star Wars is like alcohol.

It explains everything. Recently, Showtime had all six Star Wars movies (the original trilogy, plus the three George Lucas made for extra money), and a coworker spent his entire day on the couch, watching the movies and drifting in and out of sleep. This really is not much different from a person who decides to stay on the couch, drink all day and drift in and out of sleep. In each case, deep-rooted psychological problems exist.

I had a friend in high school who knew all of the dialogue from the Star Wars movies, collected Star Wars cards and discussed the movies with Star Wars friends. This is not much different from the people who know every variety of beer from a favorite brewer, collect empty alcohol bottles and discuss their favorite drinks with their drinking friends.

People tell me stories are funnier and food tastes better with the right wine. I say with knowledge of Star Wars movies, “Spaceballs” is funnier and many pop culture references have more relevance.

These people who have never seen Star Wars base their opinions of the movie on the people who camp out to see the movies, much like people who avoid alcohol do so because they knew someone with a drinking problem.

As long as you watch with moderation, you’ll be fine. Renting Star Wars is cheaper than alcohol, and it leaves no headache in the morning. I beg of you this holiday season, let the Force be with you.