Wife’s hair color livens up marriage

By Karl Terry: PNT columnist

My true hair color is blonde. I’m not so sure about my wife’s color.

I knew when I got married I was getting a bottle blonde but she was hot looking and I was in love so I didn’t really care. Had I taken the time to calculate the investment that would be required of the family budget over the years I might have thought twice.

Averaging her own figures of $7-14 per dye job and the four-week interval she claims the peroxide bill for our marriage comes up to about $3,400. I think the truth is about twice that. Either way, that’s still more than the down payment on the first home we owned.

I’ve always been pretty content to play the cards as they were dealt to me. I’m balding on top and have been pretty gray and getting grayer for a long time now. I’ve never dyed what little hair I’ve got and never fertilized my balding pate with Rogaine to try and grow new hair. If I were going to take action though, all I would need to do is transplant the rapidly growing hair on my eyebrows to the top of my head.

One of my grandfathers was a silver-haired gentleman and the other was a chrome dome. My mother has magnificent silver hair and, like her, I see no reason to fight nature. With my wife it’s a different story though.

If I were to color my hair I would pick one brand of hair color and one particular color and I would never vary from that. My lovely bride is never content to stay with one color. She’s mostly stayed some shade of blonde but there have been forays into Lucille Ball land with less than satisfactory results.

If I lose sight of her in the store somehow she’s able to suddenly move at the speed of a bullet. I know I’ll find her in the hair color aisle looking over the latest tints. If that new shade of blondish red doesn’t look good, she’ll just go right back over it with another color.

I’ll admit, it has probably added a little spice to our love life over the years. What man doesn’t dream of sleeping with a blonde one night and a redhead the next.

Compulsive/obsessive? If I keep on believing she’s doing it for me it will all be OK I guess. I just wish she’d quit leaving those little plastic gloves in the bathtub.

Her real hair color? I don’t think even her hairdresser knows for sure.