My turn: Cave people better equipped

It’s amazing that Cave People (CP) made it long enough to reproduce.

Today’s health, self-esteem and salvation solutions were not available when a dull butter-knife would have been the too-cool-for-school gadget of the loin-clothers.

While we are entertained by The Animal Planet, they prayed to the great turtle in the sky that predators weren’t eyeing them as appetizers.

CP had no treatments for irritable-bowel, restless-leg or carpal-tunnel-spear-chucking syndrome.

Without Scope for minty breath and Colgate for sparkling teeth, how did CP even get close enough to propagate?

Could women attract men without Botox and Maybelline (although three-piece, fig-leaf bathing suits probably didn’t hurt)?

Without Fusion five-bladed razors and Old Spice, no wonder that men courted with clubs.

Speaking of, how did CP socialize without golf clubs, nightclubs, women’s clubs and the Old Boys’ Club?

And, how did girls get permission to date?

It’s not like daughters could convince fathers that the teenagers rolling rocks from their caves — to take them out for mastodon burgers and tree-leaf salads — weren’t long-haired rock-and-rollers but clean-cut choir-boys who visited their 29-year-old grandmothers in prison.

At least fathers didn’t have to worry about slackers keeping their daughters out after dark.

Scary neighboring tribes who worshiped different animals, and the scary animals they worshiped, took care of that moonlit temptation.