My turn: Breaking into new business

Occasionally, I attend seminars about becoming a better time manager, communicator, team player, more Zen-like, etc.

Realizing how much these companies make in peddling high-falutin’ ways of saying do your job, I‘m creating my own “Dark Chocolate and Hoops: Adrenaline Boosts for Drowsy Employees” seminar.

Most seminars have testimonials from satisfied customers.

Here are a few that I envision for mine.

• “The seminar was exactly as Sloan advertised. While the 80-percent dark chocolate caused some to pack on a few pounds, the sugar high did keep them awake.”

• “The double dribbling and traveling was the most movement we’d seen from some employees in years.”

• “Many employees stayed awake the entire afternoon arguing over who had the best dunks on our eight-foot ceilings.”

• “Thanks to you, Mr. Sloan, we are now defending ourselves in a lawsuit for discriminating against short people.”

• “We eagerly anticipated this program, but did not anticipate our insurance going up because of two diabetic comas and three turned ankles.”

• “Mr. Sloan failed to mention the high-fat content of dark chocolate. Our wellness coordinator is not happy.”

• “In theory, basketball and dark chocolate as a team-building exercise on staying awake sounds great. However, we did not foresee the staffing problems created when tall executives with raging sugar rushes dunk over short interns and yell, ‘In your face, Shorty!’ We now have an intern shortage.”