My turn: Sloan’s slogans get point across

I have begun a line of inspirational T-shirts.

You know the kind: “Please Be Patient: God Isn’t Finished with Me Yet” — “Until They Pry It from My Cold Dead Fingers” — “Mama Mia, That’s a Spicy Meatball!”

My color-coded shirts let passersby know instantly whether they are blood-pressure friendly: Red for Republicans, blue for Democrats, pink for socialists, red, white and blue for Christians, black and white for Muslims, blackholes for atheists, gray for agnostics and dim-gray for anti-evolutionists.

Here are samples:

• “Please Be Patient: God Has Several Billion More Chances to Get It Right”

• “He Ain’t Heavy: Cause He’s Not My Brother”

• “Americans: God’s Chosen People”

• “My Party: Re-Warming Chestnuts Since the 80s”

• “Complexities: Only for Intellectual Snobs”

• “My God Can Beat Your God Up”

• “Never Trust Anyone Under 30: Unless You Need Tech Support”

• “I’ll Give You My Opinion: As Soon As I Hear Beck and Stewart’s”

• “I Hate Socialism: Except for Highways, Education, Military, Mail, Medicare, Law Enforcement, Food Safety and Social Security”

• “I May Hate Immigrants: But I Love Cheap Vegetables”

• “Without Stereotypes: How Would I Know Who to Blame?”

• “I‘m Native-American: Can I Deport You?”

• “Football Isn’t a Religion: Too Many Stats”

• “Monica Lewinski: The Good Old Days!”

• “Without Portales: How Could I Appreciate Lubbock?”

• “Giving Up My Opinion: Not Until They Pry It from My Cold Dead Mind!”

Order shirts at SmartAleckSloan.com.

Pesos accepted.