Petitioners in every state want to secede. They love our country, but not the way we elect presidents.
I don't blame them.
Who wants a secret basketball-playing Muslim from Kenya, who wants to use the United Nations to impose sharia law, to win by fooling 65.9 million welfare-dependent socialists (and a few college-educated, wine-sipping, pot-smoking, gay-loving, women-libbing, live-and-let-live hippies) into supporting him?
Although the poseur — obviously only pretending to love his beautiful wife and daughters to pull his turban over our lying eyes about being an All-American family man — received 5 million more votes than his central-casting opponent — who garnered a familiar-sounding 47 percent, he lost the tumbleweed and square-footage battle.
I understand seceders' anguish. I have played many games in which our opponent won simply by scoring more points — with no regard to how much larger our sparsely populated stadium was, or how much harder we prayed during pre-game.
A simple solution would be to give secessionists a fenced-in section of Arizona desert — free from prickly government intrusions.
They would be unshackled from such Big-Brother meddling as public education, bank deposit guarantees, Social Security, mail deliveries, band-width regulations, safe food, water and medicine, police and military protection, criminal laws and the pesky justice system, highways, licensed doctors and nursing homes, air traffic controllers, firefighters, Downton Abbey…
Inside that escape-proof, tumbleweed-lined fence would truly be a government-free, man-eat-dog, shoot-Big-Birds, survival-of-the-nuttiest nirvana.
I hope the seceders succeed. They certainly have my vote.
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