With apologies to David Lansford and Sharon King, I am announcing early as a write-in candidate for dual mayor of Clovis/Portales.Why write-in? Money, honey. What I save on filing fees is more legal tender for a bender.If swept into office on a wave of winks and write-in ink, we will have riverboat gambling on Greene Acres Lake, AARP Woodstock reunions at Greyhound Stadium, Toys "R" Us in day cares…My fundraising tentacles may even stretch into Texas for a Dixie Chicks reunion with Bush Jr. on washboard.For $50, Texans can throw a Lone Star at either.If citizens grease my palmtree vacation plans with enough lettuce for legalizing medical marijuana for hungerenhancement, I'll work both sides for the coin: Republican vs. Democrat; City Council vs. County Commission; peanut farmers vs. dairymen.I'm an equal opportunity employee.If a few dinars get dropped into my kitty, I might even meow till a Muslim gives the invocation before a greased pig race at the county fair.I don't even need to finish my term (especially if a term appears imminent).Just give me six months (before the authorities do) and I'll be in a U-Haul with a "South Padre Before I GetBusted" bumper sticker hauling my aspirations south.Voters, you, too, can share in the bounty. Just show me the pesos and a photo of your write-in ballot, then let me know where you want that casino, nuclear landfill, drivethrough tattoo parlor or "incense" shop.Let's stop being subtle. "Mayor Sloan" has a nice cash-register ring.Pushing forward with my hand in your back pocket, we'll soon have the "Where Everything Is Legal" High Plains booming as we buildseveral bridges between Clovis and Portales — even if a river doesn't run through it.
Contact Wendel Sloan at: email@example.com