No one can really understand the gist of the First Gent Alligator Hunt Scandal without a basic grasp of Guy Stuff.
I use the term “scandal’ loosely. This is such a boring New Mexico summer we’ll stoop to just about anything to get our juices stirring. Levi Chavez notwithstanding.
What happened is Guv Hubby went on a Louisiana hunting trip with two state police officers and Susana Martinez stalkers have been sniffing around to find out who paid for what. You’d have to grasp Political Science Stuff to understand why the governor stonewalled the information release until just a couple of weeks ago.
Perhaps I do not understand Political Science Stuff because I think the governor’s digging her heels into the ground on this one was just another example of dumb political advice she tends to embrace. Unless there is something substantial she is trying to hide, in which case, “whoops!”
Two state cops had been planning a vacation trip to hunt alligators. Somehow First Gent became the third hunter. So now we have the two cops, each with his 12-year-old son, being paid overtime to go on vacation because they are doubling as security guards for Guv Hub whose day job, by the way, is, ummm … security guard.
Get it? Sure you do, but the reader is left with questions. Number one, who in his right mind wants to go alligator hunting? Good point. The obvious answer is, of course, anyone who needs a new wallet. But still there is confusion.
These two guys obviously spent months planning the trip, food and hotel preparations, spousal clearance — all told, a major effort. Yet, turns out only one of them alligator hunted. For five minutes.
“Huh??” you say. That’s where you need to understand Guy Stuff.
Guys spend a lot more time talking about things than they spend doing the things. As a participant in a 37-year annual weekend golf outing in Ruidoso, I can attest that we talk months about who will make the hotel arrangements, who will bring the beer and poker chips, who will make the food reservations, who will drive.
That is followed, to our credit, by maybe four hours of golf. The golf, however, is preceded by six hours of heated argument about the “spots.”
Former state Rep. John Heaton, an excellent golfer who would rather debate than eat, has been stuck with the group’s weakest golfer all these years and annually demands compensation for carrying the burden.
The argument drags on, the basic theme being “either give me strokes or you take him!” That is countered by “no, why would I take him!” I will not identify Capt. Klutz but I will tell you he goes to sleep feeling pretty crappy about himself, wondering if maybe he should have taken up alligator hunting.
Guv Hub and the cops were simply engaged in Guy Stuff, doing a lot more talking about doing it than actually doing it. Ask any woman.
Ned Cantwell can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org when he is not sharpening his harpoon.