By Grant McGee
Do mothers still say, “Always wear clean underwear. You never know when you might be in an accident”?
My mom did.
I had visions of being hit by a car, sprawled out on the pavement, my leg broken and the emergency workers have to cut away my pants to doctor my leg.
“Hey, come over and look at this kid’s underwear,” says one emergency worker.
The whole crew comes over. They “ooh” and “ahh” and say “tut-tut.”
“Dirtiest I’ve ever seen,” says one.
“Naww, there was that kid with the dirty grey underwear and the holes a few months ago,” says another.
Now I knew this guy in high school who worried about his underwear in an accident but it was for an entirely different reason.
Chuck Biscuits was terrified that his mom would find out that he smoked. He kept a bottle of “Jade East” cologne in the glove box of his Chevy Vega two-door, four cylinder sport coupe with the racing stripe. He’d sprinkle the cologne on his fingers in case his momma wanted to smell them when he came home.
One night while we were hanging out he asked a favor.
“Hey, if we’re ever in an accident reach in my underwear, grab my smokes and throw them far away.”
There was a long pause between us as he kept driving.
“I am not reaching in your britches anytime, bro,” I said.
So I don’t know if people still say that thing about dirty underwear.
But the other day The Lady of the House was looking for her cell phone.
“I put it on your bedside table before I went out this morning,” I said. “In case I have to call you, like if I’m in an accident and I need you to bring me my best underwear.”
It was a new “look” The Lady of the House gave me that day.
Grant McGee is a long-time broadcaster and former truck driver who rides bicycles and likes to talk about his many adventures on the road of life. Contact him at: email@example.com.