With witching season brewing, I’m disappointed some Facebook postings booooo-ing the president are shrilling but not
thrilling enough for the devilish black magic.
Here is a sampling of the less-than-hair-raising originals, with my suggested spine-tingling revisions.
- “Obama is crazy and hates us Americans.”
Revision: “According to ‘The Onion,’ in kindergarten Obama was committed to a Kenyan mental institution. The delusional midget Muslim wore a Nixon mask on Halloween and posed as class president to make classmates share their candy with kids too lazy to trick-or-treat.
“Since Kenya does not celebrate Halloween, the future valedictorian of Forgery University — and his 5-year-old running mate he Tricky-Dicked into wearing an Agnew mask — were given asylum in an asylum.
“Spending his incubation years in a Cuckoo’s Nest because of a disgraced American president’s mask on an evil holiday celebrated in America is the haunted hatching of Obama’s hatred of us Americans.”
- “Impeach him!”
Revision: “When Obama is impeached they better remove his Halloween mask or Ted Cruz will think he’s a Republican and vote against it.”
- “He’s a dictator.”
Revision: “Hitler had nothing on Obama. Hitler may have killed 6 million Jews, but Obama has killed the Halloween spirits of all the Tea Partiers.”
- “He’s the worst thing that has ever happened to America.”
Revision: “If you think 9-11 was bad, wait until those ghetto kids’ guns are taken away and they get health care and live long enough to become Democrats who take their kids trick-or-treating in Republican neighborhoods.”
- “Obama is pure evil.”
Revision: “Obama is so evil he could masquerade as the devil without a Halloween mask.”
If you want to scare the wits out of others during witching season, I recommend Obama masks. They won’t frighten kids, but will spook 47 percent of grownups into losing their gourds.
Contact Wendel Sloan at: firstname.lastname@example.org