A reader sent me a few emails asking for advice for a problem she was having with her fiancé. To protect her identity, I will call her, “undecided military fiance”. Below you will see her question and how I put my Italian no-nonsense approach to good use in trying to give her some suggestions. And for the record, I’m not saying I couldn’t be blonde, blue eyed and six feet tall, I’m just telling you that it’s unlikely.
Anyway here is what my fellow military wife had to say:
My fiancé came back from deployment and has been acting strangely. He has a new cell phone and texts often. I saw a text that said I love you and miss you and when I confronted him he told me that his phone was used and that it must have been for someone else. He got defensive and told me he loves me and doesn’t want to fight, but he also went and deleted the messages. I can’t help but think that he cheated on me on his one year deployment. What should I do?
Yours truly,’ Undecided military fiancé
Dear undecided military fiancé,
Corner your fiancée without mercy. It’s your time to act and find out the truth. Stare him straight in the eyes and explain in very few words that you simply don’t believe him.
He says the phone is used? The excuse that the number was someone else’s is as likely as me being a Swedish knockout with blonde hair and blue eyes. And as for the claim that the number’s recycled? Last time I checked we didn’t need to “go green” with cell phone numbers.
You also say he deleted the text — sounds like destroying the evidence, plain and simple. Could it all be a misunderstanding? Sure, but just like when I forgot my authentic Roman cauliflower soup on the stove for a day, my nostrils smell something foul here.
Go on the attack because while you may weigh less than he does (at least I hope you) there’s no reason you shouldn’t bear your mighty self onto his bad conscience — if he’s got one. Don’t feel sorry for him; if he’s guilty you’ve got to know, and if he’s clean he’ll come out of battle unscathed (and you can make it up to him, I don’t have to tell you how).
And remember — you’ve got the resources to find evidence. If you need to, find out where he bought the phone and who his provider is. But be ready to stand your ground if you’re going to investigate — there’s a good chance he’ll get defensive and attack you for not trusting him.
If you’re not sure what to believe, wait and see. Watch for clues. If there’s another woman, something else will happen, if you’re looking for it. You’ve got to be strong, and don’t just believe what he says because you want to. Believe it if it’s the truth.
Let me know how it goes.
Anita, the cranky Italian fireball
Anita Tedaldi is a freelance writer, mother of five and wife of an Air Force pilot. Contact her at: email@example.com