Flirting not always so innocent

You would think flirting would be something I gave more thought to in my single days, than my married ones. Not so.

While I’ve never been one to bat my eyelashes to get my way, I am now more aware of flirting than ever precisely because I’m married.

Now, I’m fortunate enough to trust my husband, and I know the feeling is mutual. But I have little interaction with adults these days, besides a McDonald’s drive through or a pediatrician, whereas my husband, like most working men, does all the time.  And some of these adults happen to be female.

Coming from Italy, I have always had my guard up when it came to this issue. On the one hand, flirting is widespread and expected in Italy, but on the other, it really does often lead to dalliances and affairs, so it might look more innocent, but it’s often not. Affairs are not only widespread in Italy, but often accepted as the way things are.

I know, I know, I sound like one of those crazy high school girlfriends. But indulge me a little. We adults might be smart enough not to act like 15 year olds anymore, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel like it.

I’m proud that my husband’s not a bad looking guy. I also know that flirting is not a one-way path to infidelity. But it still bothers me when my husband gets an extra little smile — often right in front of me — from our daughter’s gymnastics coach or the young woman at the bank. Being in the military hardly isolates you — there are plenty of cute young officers and enlisted girls around. The rules of the military try to ensure that gender is irrelevant, but people are people, and there’s no shortage of stories about good people who get into trouble.

My husband finds my concerns funny, though he’s smart enough not to mention when a friend’s wife or a woman he knows from work is attractive. If he adopts a casual tone when mentioning a woman I haven’t met, I know she’s either extremely attractive or he thinks I won’t like her.

He was right on both counts at a barbecue last year, when I found out a friend’s girlfriend was not only overly friendly, but exceedingly well-endowed with blonde hair and blue-eyes. The four of us were talking and she sure enjoyed my husband’s jokes. As soon as hubby and I had some privacy, I assailed him with questions and threats. “She’s flirting with you! Remember where I come from, passion murders are justified and encouraged. I don’t want you talking to her.”

Here, my husband put on the brakes, gently as possible suggesting that I might, possibly be, you know, sort-of overreacting, and maintaining that he had no idea what I was talking about anyway. Flirting?

Anita Doberman is a freelance writer, mother of five and wife of an Air Force pilot stationed at Hurlburt AFB in Florida. Contact her at:

anita@anitadoberman.com